blah.

it's been forever... and I'm really just here to vent a little about stupid stuff I just need to get out.

I feel on the verge of tears today for no good reason. stuff that wouldn't have ruffled my feathers last week is really affecting me today. gah!

I started my day with a 2lb weight gain (I've been eating healthy and I've lost 70lbs, so I can't complain... it just took the wind outta my sails a bit). then there's work crap. stupid me was venting to the wrong people (in person) and its back firing. I submitted Caleb's school choices in November - we should find out soon! - and over the last month I've heard a dozen "bad" stories about our #1 pick, and I don't know if I put my current phone # on the form or my old one... UGH. finances are in the crapper, I'm having to go some number juggling and that's stressful. and then I shared a funny story about Caleb giving attitude and a comment made me feel like a bad mom. and I know I'm choosing to take it that way, but it's just today. :( I tend to second guess a lot of my parenting choices when challenged which sucks.

everyone has these days... I know that. but today is mine and it sucks. I just want to go sit in my car and cry just to get it out of my system.

I'm ready for Saturday, even though I have to work, at least I'll be alone.

blah.

4 years :)

four years ago... my entire world was turned upside down and I came to thus wonderful place called Motherhood :)

20+ hours of labor, 1+ hour of pushing and 1 c-section later, a 9lb 5oz bundle of BOY was put in my arms.... now it's sometimes hard to get a hug LOL

today we're headed to great granny's house for a big party for everyone! so fun!

yesterday's kids party was awesome!! worth every single penny! :) he had a blast and did amazing :)

four years old.... wow....


-- Post From My iPhone

tomorrow....

tomorrow is my little guys 4th birthday party - his official birthday is Sunday. what the....? how did that happen? he's turning into such a BOY, and my "baby" is going away. there are still several times a day I see the baby in him (not in a bad way) but I know those instances will get fewer and further between. it's amazing to look at him and think, "he's my little guy!" then 10 mins later he does something or gives me a look and suddenly he looks so OLD...

*sigh*

have I mentioned my gray hair?? :) I got my very first the day we went to get his cast right before his second birthday. no joke! I ran in to use the bathroom before we left and it was right there STARING AT ME! now? well.... now there's a lot more. I spot them at weird moments, but I always know they are there.

and I have earned every last one of them! I won't cover them up - I'm the mom of a 4 year old. a four year old BOY, covering them up is not an option LOL

before I forget - his favorite song is "dynamite" by taio cruz... but the kidz bop clean version LOL he'll actually sing it, and request it :) he wants nothing to do with his kids music. no more "wheels on the bus" or "B-I-N-G-O" for this kid! he also likes country music (specifically "free" by the zac brown band). he's like me with his eclectic taste in music. now if I could just get him to request John Mayer.... hmm mm

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wonder....

last weekend we went to home depot to get some tomato and zucchini seeds to plant a (very) small garden. while we were walking through the parking lot on our way out, Caleb found a smallish key on the ground. it was scratched up pretty bad and bent a bit. clearly it had been there a while. 

he picked up this "treasure" and stuck it in his pocket till we got to the car (20 feet away!). then he took it out and played with it on the way home, telling me all the things he could open with this key... the garage, the front door, the bathroom door, a castle, school, sarahs house, ihop, a treasure chest on a pirate ship in the ocean with a BUNCH of sharks that are biting everything and splashing water EVERYWHERE and making a big BIG mess but not eating the pirates, just the fish. and the whales.  

I love - absolutely LOVE - the imagination of my almost 4 year old :)

*sigh* :D



-- Post From My iPhone

bed time.

so.

bedtime is such a battle in this house. seriously. while we're brushing teeth he'll tell me "I'm so tired. I'm too tired to brush my teeth..." and 4 mins later when he's tucked in bed, he's not tired at all. and he's out if bed.

any hints for bed time?? the issue us that he gets out of bed 244 times before he falls asleep. I've tried the super nanny thing - and about a hundred other things over the last year. not fun.

but here's the thing. I bitch about the bedtime disasters ALL THE TIME, but in 3.5 years this has been my only "real" challenge. he slept through the night at 8 weeks, he didn't have trouble teething, he potty trained super fast and easy... I should be counting my blessings that this is my only trouble spot.

it's just hard to remember that the 16th time I put him back into bed, youknowwhatimean?

and.... of course tonight he was an absolute angel going down. a word to the wise for all you future and soon to be parents - JINXING IS REAL. that's all :D

-- Post From My iPhone

April fools!!

I'm not even going to talk about how long it's been.... :)

so, I'm laying here in bed watching "new moon" (oh yes, I'm one of those Twilight freaks) after a rough "going to bed" night and over the monitor I hear Caleb roll over, kick the bed, sigh and say, "ow."and he's 100% asleep. LOL :) I went in there about 15 mins ago to check his blankets and stuff.

my bossy boss retired today :( I'm gonna miss her. I only worked with get for a year, but it was a great year and we had an awesome work group. our new manager is cool, but she has big shoes to fill!

in a previous post, a friend asked (in a comment) if I'd thought about having kid #2... in short - yes. I've thought about it. as much as I would like for Caleb to have a sibling, it's not gonna happen for several reasons. 1) more than half the money I bring home would go to daycare. 2) NO WAY I'm starting over with 4+ sleepless weeks and 2+ years of diapers. 3) Caleb was such an easy baby (like me!) I'm worried #2 would be the crazy demon baby (like my brother!) sure we both turned out just fine, but my mom was traumatized. 4) i like being able to do things with/for Caleb - like overnight trips to Disney, gymnastics, road trips and fun outings. I can't see being able to afford one more person.

so no, unless mr. right shows up real fast.... I'm cool with having one child to dote on :) I'm ok with that!

I watched the musical episode of Greys anatomy this week. I would really like to see the same episode WITHOUT the singing. I love glee, I love greys. but I like chocolate and I love black olives,... doesn't mean they should go together!! except on "chopped", which is another show I like :)

how's THAT for random updates? :)


-- Post From My iPhone

2011

wow... so here we are - hours away from 2011. i was looking back over past new years, and check it out:

2006
2007
2008
2009

and im sad to say - i totally blew past new years 2010. i went from mid-december when he cracked his head open, all the way to APRIL. slacker.

so here's my post for new years 2011.

ho.ly. SMOKES. i have a 3.5 year old!!!! where on earth did my baby go??? :( he's a chatter box, a little bit bossy and a whole lot loveable. :) he has a kind heart, i absolutely dread the day his first love breaks his heart... ack!

his favorite phrase of the moment is: "i very love_____" he'll tell me "i very love mac and cheese." or "i very love papa". its so so SO precious! i very love it. :D

tonight we had a new years party at home - nothing fancy! we made s'mores and got a bunch of noisemakers, then watched 30 mins in times square, counted down and watched the ball drop!! we went bananas with the noise makers, gave hugs and kisses to everyone... and now he's having papa read him books - we're off to bed. 9:19p... thats late! :)

he's doing amazing at his "new" school (he's been there almost a year!). he can spell his name, he's making some great friends and learning all about BEING a friend. he loves art, play doh, magnatiles, star wars and superheros. for christmas, he asked santa for a batcave, magnatiles... and super powers. he wanted to be able to fly. *sigh* well... santa cant do EVERYTHING. :)

so there you have it - he's 3.5.... im considerably older. we're still living with my parents and ive reconciled it with myself that we'll be here till he starts kindergarten, at least. thats fine, it's working :) work is going well for me - i changed work groups and while i was 100% against the move and change... it really was the best move for me. im so much happier at work - i like my coworkers... i like my BOSS! :) you cant ask for more than that, really. :)

next year? egads. i'll have a 4.5 year old, it'll be our last new years before he starts school and goes from 5 to 15 in the blink of an eye. :( im really really REALLY not ready for that. the threes are rough (way harder than the twos) and i cant wait to be over them... but i also want to slow time down a bit. i want to cuddle with him while he'll let me. i want to hear him mispronounce words in his tiny voice for a little while longer. i want to have him get excited about waffles with jam for breakfast, and bounce with excitement when he opens clothes for christmas!

anyway - next year? i hope to still be with my work group. i hope to have a new niece/nephew (from my very good friend! though one from my brother would be cool too, but no pressure!)... i hope to have paid down my debt (im getting there!! progress!). i hope my family grows (and grows and grows!). i hope that we have a pet (my mom would smack me if she heard that). i hope that everyone is happy - and healthy :)

hang in there - here comes 2011!!!!!!!!!

croup

yep. we've got it. and by "we" i mean caleb. *sigh* yesterday morning he had a bit of a dry cough, but nothing fancy. he seemed fine all day - ate and played well - went to bed as good as he ever does and that was that.

till 1:10am when there was a seal barking in his room :( we spent about 40 mins in the steam room (ie. closed bathroom with a hot shower running), then he fell asleep in my bed making awful breathing sounds. :( i stayed up till about 3:30am listening to him breath and watching his chest... then he woke up for the day at 6:00am. bright eyed and bushy tailed! he had a great day at school, enjoyed the fall festival and all that... and as im putting him to bed i hear how hoarse his voice is.

i have a funny feeling we'll be seeing each other again tonight. :( which is a drag because i know it cant be comfortable for him... and because im already running on like, 4 hours of sleep last night and *I* didnt get a 2.5 hour nap today.

on the up side - its not any more contagious than the common cold and if i remember correctly its the same virus. so its not "bad". it just sounds terrible. and it keeps mommy up all night.

*yawn* which explains why after 2 venti lattes today (by accident, i promise) im ready to crawl into bed at 9:00pm.

g'night.

well hello there :)

so... the "going to bed" thing got better, then it got worse. we're on a "better" run... with the use of bribery and rewards. thats not how i wanted to do this - but i could NOT hang with yelling at him and being mad every night. :(

he's really into imaginative play right now which is so much more fun than you think it is! we spend the evenings and mornings being obi wan kanobi, batman, buzz lightyear, pig... whoever. :D we take trips to the moon in our rocket ship (usually my bed or the recliner), we eat gummy worms for breakfast (pretend), caleb drives us to school (as spiderman, because spiderman can drive and master yoda is too tiny)... OMG you guys, its SO fun :)

right now he's a bird in a nest - a nest made up of every pillow he could find, and my blanket. im mommy bird and im feeding him (bites of waffle). LOL

its mornings like this that remind me what this is all about. :D

*yawn*

im very very tired today... the monday blahs. :)

things are looking up. i only had to bring the PNP into the house and he straightened up a bit. then i brought the baby gate in (for good) and he HATES it. that usually gets him to stay in bed *sigh* i swear, i love going to bed! why couldnt he take after me??

and in case anyone asks, i'll say it again - the threes are worse than the twos. a lot. A. LOT.

i love him to bits and when we have good moments/days they are heavenly :) and we really DO have good days! but those bad days? wow they are doozers! i try to focus on the good days and good moments, but then they come on the tail of an all out hissy fit because i wouldnt let him open another bandaid (after putting one on a bruise/dirt smear already)... its hard to smile and get lovey dovey while my nose still stings from being whapped.

he gives the very best hugs though :) and thats always nice! he's doing well in preschool, he has lots of friends and he tells me stories of all the fun things they do LOL he's taking swimming lessons again this summer, and he's diggin it. this time around the other kids have goggles, so we had to go get him some for tomorrows class!

ive also made contact with another donor sibling family - so now i know of a girl and a boy that have the same donor and are really close to the same age! neither live close, but that's what email and FB are for. its pretty cool to see how similar (and dissimilar) the kids are to each other! id love to see them in the same room... maybe sometime in the future :)

off to try to get him in bed. he's already tired so, in theory, this should be easy. ROFL yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah right.