shower day!!

yay!! today is my shower with my family and friends :) i can hardly wait... and yes, it is 5:45a and im up. i had to pee (duh) and then... well and then i just wasnt going back to sleep. i'll take a quick nap before the shower LOL

and... would you believe that i havent even PEEKED at my registry since my work shower?? and i only looked then because one of the ladies bought me things off the registry but when it came time to buy them she'd lost the paper so they didnt get taken off so i had to manually do it? ive been SO good! im awful with surprises... so this is a feat for me!

and on a bittersweet note... i only realized this week that a year ago today was when i started my miscarriage. :( my first trip to the ER where they gave me hope... but i still knew something was wrong. it was a friday and sunday was mothers day - just like this year. its hard to believe that its a year later... and im having a BABY shower!

i guess now is when i'll get all schmoopy on you guys... i know so many of you are on your own TTC journey and it can get mighty frustrating. the BFNs and the losses are hard to take, and i cant imagine how some of you have hung in there so long. just know that your baby is out there waiting for the perfect time to show up. they are waiting for you! either in a little vial at the bank... in another womans womb... or even a whole other country - they are there. :)

i truly believe that my first baby just was not meant to be... i think he/she was meant to show me how bad i wanted this. i love that baby with all of my heart. and to be honest, i was almost scared and unsure about the whole thing... then i lost it and i realized that i HAD loved it way more than i ever thought i would or should. and i knew... i just knew... that i would keep trying till i had a baby to hold. that loss has made this little guy so much more cherished. and who knows? maybe this is how it always feels... but for me personally, i feel like he's so special and so wanted and so so SO loved. i KNOW now what i lost and i mourn that baby, and i appreciate every ache, pain, vomit session and kick in the cervix because of that. :)

okay okay... schmoopy time over. this is a happy day in 2007!! i hope to have pictures to post later this weekend!!

amy